Start 2010 With a Money Heart-to-Heart

Let's face it: These are the times that try even the strongest bonds of love. So man up. You are, in fact, going to have to go there, because the alternative -- ignoring money issues until they turn into full-blown financial disasters -- isn't going to end happily ever after, either.

Deal with money issues without tissues: Money is so often cited as one of the roots of all breakups that it's imperative to deal with this deal-breaker head-on. After all, if you successfully tackle your financial difficulties now during the lean times, the chances that your union will last for the long term becomes exponentially better.

So mark your calendar: It's time to schedule a money date with your mate.

Talking points for twosomes: Ask your significant other to clear some time on a given date so you can come up with a money game plan for these tough times -- together. That "together" part is important, so don't try to tackle this on your own unless you actually like the silent treatment and sleeping on the couch.

Here's a suggested agenda for your talk:

Vow to look forward: This isn't about dissecting each other's past purchases in detail. What's spent is spent. Get on the same page and agree that this conversation is about shoring up your finances from this day forward.

Pick five: Identify your five biggest joint budget categories that -- if managed more closely -- can really make a dent in your budget. Food, transportation, insurance, apparel, and travel tend to be the highest-dollar expenditures in most households. Brainstorm ways to cut back or stretch your dollars where it will make the biggest difference in your bottom line. Then work your way down your spending list as time, energy, and sanity allow.

Pick another five: This time, identify five future expenditures that get you both excited about saving. Figure out how much you can afford to set aside for these goals each month, and plan rewards -- say a fancy dinner, couples massage, or tickets to a game -- for reaching certain savings goals along the way.

Nip quibbles in the bud: Every relationship requires some autonomy to thrive. Without the freedom to treat yourself to a latte or buy lunch for a pal once in a while, every little expenditure becomes fodder for a money fight. Make this "personal purchases" category a formal part of your budget. Establish a spending allowance -- an amount of money every week you are each free to spend however each of you sees fit. That said ...

Establish some rules for larger or "family" purchases: No fair buying a flat-screen TV and trying to justify it as a purchase everyone in the household can enjoy. You'll need to come up with guidelines for items that fall outside any of your regular spending categories. For example, decide that you'll each consult with the other person before making any purchase that cost more than $100, or whatever amount you choose.

Divvy up the financial housekeeping chores until your next money date: Now that you have an action plan for things such as where to cut back, or how much to save for future dreams, it's time to put that plan into play. Decide who will do what, and then start tracking your progress. Free online budgeting tools (try Mint.com) make the process a snap. Even if one person likes paying bills, negotiates better rates on insurance, or does something better than the other, don't cede all the work to one person. You're both responsible for your family's financial future, so you both need to be equally in the loop to make it work over the long haul. At least once a quarter, sit down and revisit this agenda to make changes to things that aren't working quite right for you.

Finally, if things get tense, remind each other that you're having these money dates to make your relationship richer -- metaphorically and literally.